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Could’ve Been

It could have been you, simply you and me

But I was so wrong that I failed to see
All I am good at is to run away and leave
When you have so many things to give

I can just regret the chances I didn’t take

Being selfish thinking all was for my sake

I am sorry that I took you for granted

When all along it’s you I’ve ever wanted

I know I am insanely and irrationally naïve

That it forced you to finally have your leave

Seeing you start to drift away from me

Tears me up inside butyou just can’t see

Realizing how such a fool I am to let you go

That I didn’t let my genuine feelings show

It’s my purest emotions I’m afraid to reveal

And so, I try to hide and pretend all I feel

Thinking it’s the best for the both of us

Just to ensure this friendship will last

Now that you are liking someone new

Someone who can love and care for you

I admit, it’s starting to kill me up inside

You won’t notice, I am good enough to hide

Crazy, but I’m hoping for a could’ve been

A possibility of us, that I truly mean

If there is any chance and if you ask me to

Is it too late? coz for whatever it is worth

I might just take my chances with you…

Uh,oh. Seriously, I am starting to hate seeing candles lighted on my upcoming birthday cakes. They remind me how I get old throughout the years haha. Just this Monday, I celebrated my 25^th birthday and to be honest, I kinda feel old. I am hoping I don’t look my age.

Since it’s my birthday, I have decided to come up with a new blog post just to share some of my crazy thoughts.

In life, you cannot just play one note, for a beautiful music is only created when you start discovering how other notes jive in. You have to find the perfect pitch and create one of the most memorable kinds of music that will make any person find eternal bliss. 

I am ending this post with some of my fave music. :)

Hope you guys enjoy

Possibilities by Freddie Stroma 

"All these possibilities, oh these possibilities

Are written in the stars, we are who we are baby

And I can’t help but think that possibly

There’s possibility"

Movie Clip from Pitch Perfect

"I saw the sign..."

Enchanted by Taylor Swift

"I'll spend forever wondering if you knew;

I was enchanted to meet you.

Please don' fall in love with someone else.

Please don't have somebody waiting on you."

People akin to me and those who hold me dearest would always dub me as Gabriela (a Filipina hero – bold, strong-willed and astute) and they say that I have this tendency, whether directly or implicitly, to come out so strong and to scare people away (especially guys lol), when in fact I’m soft and can be at times, highly vulnerable. It appears as if Maria Clara is stuck in the body of Xena the Warrior Princess haha.

Yet, behind the façade of boldness exuding in my aura, I just like everyone else has his/her own Achilles heel.

This is a chronic fear that I will never be able to let go of.

Phobia No. 2: Fear of Dark and Enclosed Spaces (Claustrophobia)

There are quite a handful of people suffering from claustrophobia. Even Dan’s Brown main character in his books, Robert Langdon, has it. Fear of enclosed spaces is something I have struggled to handle for years. When I am in a dark or tight space where I don’t have any means to move, my body starts to get stiff as I struggle to grasp for air.

While I sat alone in lush greenery, drawn into the vast wilderness of the sky and as the chasm of earth and the sky dilated, I caught a glimpse of that star.

“Indeed, a very precious one.” I murmured.

For it shone the brightest, drew all of my attention and captured my very essence.

It was one of those rare moments; I felt something was within my reach, within my grasp, something I could hold on to.

That moment, I could just lie down; stared at it endlessly for a while.

I didn't know what endured me to look at that only star when I knew even in my dreams, I could never come close, not even close enough to touch.

Funny, how from this glaring distance, I could still manage to satisfy myself by just looking.

As the pang of cold air started to fill the air, as my irrational thoughts deluded my wandering mind, there came the helpless and worse, futile wanting for me to be next that star.

But just as when the dark clouds finally obscured the serenity of the sky, I was suddenly knocked out of my senses, as if I came to life after an ethereal trance.

“I can never have that star.” The bold truth I could only utter.

I was hoping.

I was wishing it could and it would be mine. 

I was so damn busy these past few days that I didnt even notice that January already ended. With the coming of the so-called love month, I am embracing it with new hope along with the new challenges. 

Hmm.. and so what am I expecting for this month. Love. Love. Love. oh, yes I've always been a hopeless-romantic person and Im proud of it. :D

When I say love, it's not just the romantic kind of love. Love has so many forms:

1. Love for School ( I would like to presume I have this kind of love haha)

After getting my professor's comment' for my research paper, I thought I can breathe and finally relax. But no, I still have to submit one paper and I need to submit the exam before the month ends. Since it was a take home exam, I was expecting it would be an easy one and only to find out that the answers are just out of reach. mi gad!

I know while writing this blog post it might sound more like a rant. Oh well, haha thats what I really intend to do. This is my best stress reliever. :D This is how I affirm my love for things lol.

2. Love for Life 

The road ahead is getting steeper and I can already feel its dragging weight. There is no other way around to deal with it but to just keep on moving, keep walking until you reach the top. In these difficult times when everything seems getting weary and tiring , I have to keep loving life. Count my blessings and share my joys as if I have no pain. Think positive when I know the negative thoughts still linger. Love my life as if it were perfect.

 Life is so short for us to search for things that are lacking or to be afraid of going out of our comfort zones. God wants us to have all the blessings. We might not have everything all at once but we will have it one by one. 

3. Love for Him and him :)

After my own packing-up and runaway bride version, haha, I am still optimistic for all the things that are yet to come. I've waited 24 years for the right person to come along and I can wait a little bit more. There were so many times I fell off the ground, or worst I fell of the cliff because I did things my way. Too bad I did things the wrong way. But this time, it's different. I am allowing God to write my own love story. Doubts would come to me every now and then but my hope shines even brighter for in my deep and solemn prayer at night, I know I'm praying for that man and Im loving him because I am now entrusting to God all of my hopes and desires for this man.

With this I end my post with two of my favorite love songs ever! Hope you guys enjoy. Let us spread the love. Make other people happy and make sure that you also make yourself happy. 

Happy Love Month!