.jpg) |
| "Do you know what's waiting beyond that beach? Immortality! Take it, it's yours."-Achilles |
People akin to me and
those who hold me dearest would always dub me as Gabriela (a Filipina hero –
bold, strong-willed and astute) and they say that I have this tendency, whether
directly or implicitly, to come out so strong and to scare people away (especially
guys lol), when in fact I’m soft and can be at times, highly vulnerable. It
appears as if Maria Clara is stuck in the body of Xena the Warrior Princess
haha.
Yet, behind the façade of boldness exuding in my aura, I just like everyone else has his/her own Achilles heel.
Yet, behind the façade of boldness exuding in my aura, I just like everyone else has his/her own Achilles heel.
While going to the hospital a few days agoback, it dawned on me how I simply and utterly hate going to hospital. I can’t bear staying in a medical facility for so long or worst; have myself examined by a doctor. I don’t know if it’s because it pains me to see people sick, huge needles or my fear of blood, or probably, all of them.
This is a chronic
fear that I will never be able to let go of.
Phobia No. 2: Fear of Dark
and Enclosed Spaces (Claustrophobia)
There are quite a handful
of people suffering from claustrophobia. Even Dan’s Brown main character in his
books, Robert Langdon, has it. Fear of enclosed spaces is something I have
struggled to handle for years. When I am in a dark or tight space where I don’t
have any means to move, my body starts to get stiff as I struggle to grasp for
air.
Ask me if I sleep with lights
on? Before…Yes! Haha
My childhood days were
spent with lights in my room all turned on. Mind you, my body knows if the
light is turned on or turned off even if I am half asleep or when my mind is
already in neverland.
Upon entering the
university where I stayed in a dormitory, I had no choice but to fight back my
fears. My dormates can’t and wouldn’t sleep with lights on.
Thank God I’ve overcome my
fear of dark and enclosed spaces. If not, I’ll be stuck out in the elevator
with people thinking if I’m a mindless triglodyte lost somewhere in space.
| I like kerro keroppi too but not the real ones. |
Phobia #3: Fear of Frogs
Whew…just typing the
words already gives me those scary chills.
Animal related phobia is quite normal; I don’t have a friend saying he/she likes holding snakes though I’ve seen some who do.
Goodness. Hearing their
kokak kokak chant can almost take the wits out of me. I don’t know what happens
but once I see them they really start getting on my nerves. It starts to feel
grumpy, slimy, yucky.. I can come up with hundreds of adjectives to describe it
now haha.
There’s even one instance
where in one of the activities of our organization, we were asked to hold two
frogs. You would not have guessed what happened. I freaked out and cried like a
river ( Never seen myself cried a liter of tears). For 30 minutes, my stomach
turned upside down as my hands held the frogs. Holding them again for another
or hour so is enough to kill me haha.
 |
| What I always do: pack my things lol |
Fear No. 4: Unknown/
Lethal/ Dangerous
But among these fears,
there is this type which starts to subtly make its way to me, operating
clandestinely in my already drained thoughts. All this time, it’s there. To my
surprise, some can even notice it without me knowing.
“You’re always good at
running away.” “Lagi kang pack-up mode.”
There appears to be truth
in what they say. For this fear is my waterloo, the kind of fear that may break
me or can make me whole again.
Running away is not easy either. Days and nights get by where I end up over-analyzing and regretting of some of the chances I wish I could have done something, say something.
This is one or if not the
most dangerous amongst my insane fears. For failure to take that risk would mean
a lost chance to know what life is.
Perhaps not today, maybe in the upcoming days, but I promise to myself that I will try my best and soon, that fear will vanish in the realms of stupid thoughts.
We have our own fears, doubts and insecurities. Having them, I think, is normal. For these weaknesses reveal our mortality and in our fears, there lies our capacity to love and to achieve greater heights.
“So, do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand."-Isaiah 41:10
Happy October everyone!
Let me share one of my fave songs from Adele - Chasing Pavements:)
5 comments
sipag mo tlaga magsulat! i remember your reaction nung nakakita ka ng patay na frog sa daan hahaha
ReplyDelete@ria: cheee!!! ang kadiri tlga ng itsura kaya haha
ReplyDeletepards isa lang yan takot mainlab!?!
ReplyDeleteu need to conquer your fear. It's ur only chance at happiness.nakahawak ka nga ng frog why not try to fall in love? sabihan m lang ako anu hanap mo. ihahanap kita! :D
ReplyDelete@J: wow brod ilaglag ba daw ako?haha im trying promisel. ill try harder this time kaya bring the reto on! lol
ReplyDelete