I dont remember vividly the last time ive ever felt like i needed something...someone..That special someone...
Though in my wild days of existence ive been in constant search for the sole thing all us have been wanting...-happiness.
Seeing many different faces, wandering in boisterous and in mute places,i cant even seem to have a glimpse of that one radiant face that couldsimply make me smile for no reason at all...and just feel the joy thatthank God im alive...
Past events that transpired might have changed my perception on some things...But just keenly observing from afar,it just occurred to my thoughts...that all of us have the right to find that person who can ease out just about everything with one look...
At this point in time, i guess, patience would pay-off..You dont have to kiss a bunch of losers just to get the right one..
So for now, I'm gonna do my thing..and be happy...
Coz somewhere...fate would decree that i would meet finally meet him..
When that time comes, I wont let go...
x
It was one boring-humid afternoon when I decided to go out and ask my friends to just hang around the campus. Cant believe I'm too complacent leaving my work behind and go outside when in fact my thesis is almost doomed. But anyway, I need rest. I need to walk. I need to feel.
So, we walked until we reached the DL UMali Hall where there was an open exhibit. And since there were no other places we could visit, we just went in to see the exhibit. It's genuine work of a virtuoso indeed. I forgot the name of the artist..lol
I don't know but somehow while looking at the display materials, I knew that almost everything in there was all about love.
A Rose has its thorns too...
I dont know if this holds true. But from what I have observed almost anyone of us are hoping to find that special one who will fit in to our ideals, our standards. Sometimes, even when we deny it, those standards are too perfect to attain. Isnt it much better to find someone and then you'll help that person bring out the best in him? Try to accept that though hes imperfect, he's for real by just being simply him.
Honesty is all we ever need...
Sad to know but its true that some of us especially those people who are in love, fail to see evrything. Sometimes we draw away from reality allowing us to see the superficial things. And worst is that even though we know deep inside that they are fooling us, we tend to disregard it and even to deny it. But isnt it much better to have a love who does not dwell in wrong doings but in honesty, in truth?...
"Great thing come to those who wait..."
This line might sound simple yet striking. Yes, its easy to say that you can wait but we all know its not. Eventually, I realize if you want something to last, if you want to have the best you must learn how to wait; wait for the right time where God will reveal everything to you.
"Just like the flow of the river in a cold dark night...I will wait
The stars are shining so bright in the vast, endless sky...I will wait
Huge buildings symbolize my patience in everything i do...
But even the lights of these towers went out..I'll still wait for you..."
P.S.(whoah..its been such a long time since the last time i was able to compose a poem...I dont know why i put that picture hehe..they call it the love river...such an amazing view to look at...)
x
Before I always say, "expect the unexpected". but now id rather say, "don't expect at all". It's so hard especially if you are expecting too much on things, on people and even on fate that you end up being hurt and wounded the most. Now I'm getting a clearer picture as to why some people are just the happy-go-lucky-just-go-with-the-flow type.I considered them naive before, because they dont take things too seriously.
Now, I'm seeing them in a different light. Though I'm not also definitive in saying that we should not be serious at all. What I have just realized is that maybe, they are like that because they want to protect themselves. They want to safeguard their minds and especially their emotions that will surely suffer if things comes to worst.
And I guess this is what applies to my current situation right now. No expectations. I just do what I have to do. At least when you're not expecting, if at the end you didnt get what you want, you have saved yourself or to be specific your pride. Once in a while you have to save your pride too coz its also bad if u cant even save even ur face from any mess you could possibly be situated in.
Just like what my economics professor in economics would say.."You only have two choices its either you are risk averse in investing , you risk in able to gain. " And i say.I cant believe finance economics can be directly applied to real life.
So from now on, I wont expect anything.. Hopes and expectations are different, in my own opinion.I admit I risk everything before without thinking a millions times first, so now I think ill be a risk averse one.hehehe
Yeah..It does sound like an old cliche.. Plus the fact that even though we often tell ourselves that line to remind us that we should hold on and be strong, sometimes it just wouldnt work. And worst sometimes, one feels likes its not gonna work.
But there are moments in our lives when we just cant simple say, "I quit.", becuase if you do then it will all be over.
Like in my case, I feel tired, weak and i feel like my energy is in its all time low. There's a part of me who wants to give up already and my i-dont-care-anymore attitude starts to surface. Now, I am definitely suffering from the so called academic-stress-you-have-to-graduate-on-time sickness. I'm lucky i dont feel any pressure from my parents. But as for myself, I dont know why 'm killing myself just to work on my thesis...Since I want to graduate, I have to do it.
God is there to help me. I know he will never let me down.
I just need to endure the last quarter of the race and I would do anything to finish it. So never ever quit!
Dreams…This is the only venue where I can see you again, laugh with you just like the old times…the way we used to… Its’ been almost a year… Are you happy there? I hope so… Many things have already changed and events have passed. But our yearning to be with you again hasn't changed and will never change.
Yesterday night, I dreamt of you together with our other bearians… When I woke up it made me think, this was the only time you visited me again in my dreams…I hope you are not scaring me..hehehe..
In my dreams, we were all in a graduation pictorial… and you were wearing a white dress. I don’t know what it meant but for sure you want to send some important message not only for me but to other bearians as well.
At least even in dreams…we can be with you…We can feel some sense of reality though we know that when we woke up and open our eyes, we just have to face the truth that you’re really gone.I love you so much and BC4f loves you so much too. We pray for your soul and I know you are happy with God now...
x
The song flavor of life which was recorded by Utada Hikaru is one of my favorite songs; not just becuase its one of the main OST of my favorite japanese drama hana yori dango but for the sole reason that I get goosebumps whenever I hear this song. I like the song personally becuase I can relate to it hehehe. And if i'm going to evaluate the technical aspects as to how that song sounds to me, it is just very well arranged and the lyrics comes straight to anyonelses's heart.
宇多田ヒカル Flavor of Life by Utada Hikaru
English Translation
Whenever you tell me thank you
It's somehow bittersweet
The spell doesn't break after you say goodbye
Faintly bitter
The flavor of life
We're in the middle, neither friends nor lovers
Green fruit dreaming of the harvest
We can't take that one last step
So it's so irritating or something, baby
Whenever you tell me thank you
It's somehow bittersweet
The spell doesn't break after goodbye
Faintly bitter
The flavor of life
Sweet words of seduction
Flavorless talk
That doesn't pique my interest
Even when things don't go your way
Life's not a total wash
"What's up?" you suddenly ask
No, it's nothing
My smile disappears after you say goodbye
It's not like me
The more I want to believe
It's somehow bittersweet
Don't you think "I really like you"
Suits you better than "I love you"?
The flavor of life
I suddenly remember
The scent of a person I'd almost forgotten
I want to be able to just sit back and enjoy
The white snow fall
I want a warm future
Softer than a diamond
I want to spend this limited time we have with you
Whenever you tell me thank you
It's somehow bittersweet
The spell doesn't break after you say goodbye
Faintly bitter
The flavor of life...
Translation by Megchan
